Pun Laoghaire

[Micheál]

"Kleptomaniacs dont understand puns - they always take things, literally."

Glenageary Guru

[grammer]

Reminds me ...we always had Mushy Bees for Sunday dinner...we spent Saturday steeping them in bread soda!

Missed this one first time round ---but summers on the way

[Holla]

I saw this outside the little church on Foster ave...............Seven days without prayer makes one weak.

Passed by today here's what it says == ""WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING.........FOR HEAVENS SAKE""

[Rocker]

Holla you must be following us. I was driving along there today and watching the road when HID roared...what on earth are you doing for heaven's sake...I thought he was talking about my driving. We had a laugh when he explained.

[Strum]

We had a laugh when he explained.

And... I'm guessing, Dancer doing a U turn on the Vico Road after a few shots in Dalkey on the way to Howth?

[Rocker]

We had a laugh when he explained.

And... I'm guessing, Dancer doing a U turn on the Vico Road after a few shots in Dalkey on the way to Howth?

Ya divil

[Dancer]

We had a laugh when he explained.

And... I'm guessing, Dancer doing a U turn on the Vico Road after a few shots in Dalkey on the way to Howth?

[Micheál]

Hey Gerald!

This is the thread for pun!

"Kleptomaniacs dont understand puns - they always take things, literally."

Glenageary Guru

[Micheál]

And I still like this one . . .

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of it's socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest. After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and "stay for breakfast". They had a wonderful, wonderful time..

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies "but you just happened to catch my eye.'

[Micheál]

And Strum's masterpiece . . .

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd
never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period...

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's
no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The
police have nothing to go on.

[Rocker]

Wonderful I'd forgotten these gems!! Thanks Micheál

[Strum]

There's a new band called 1023 Megabytes. They haven't any gigs yet.

Some people claim the number 666 is evil. If so, 25.8069 is the root of all evil.

What do you call a wheel made of iron? A ferrous wheel.

[jwdalk]

Would glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

My last will and testament hands everything I own on to my IPAD and phone. I want to be left to my own devices.

Yoga instruction this evening. "Reach for the Thigh"

If you hire an exorcist and don’t pay the bill, does your house could get repossessed?

Not many people know the difference between 'apathetic' & 'indifferent'. apathetic, of course means 'showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern.' Whereas 'indifferent' means to try another position from the Karma Sutra.

If anybody wants any of my magazines Chiropractor monthly I've got loads of back issues

Geezer in the pub earlier offered me 8 legs of venison for €40. I said it was two deer. I offered him 40 bucks, it was all the doe I had.

[Dancer]

Shamelessly stolen .....

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done

[Rocker]

Dancer,

They are so good We had a great laugh and I'll be passing them on!!

[Strum]

Good ones Dancer.


Pig 1: Can I have your address? I want to see if your place is like mine.

Pig 2: Have you got a pen?

[Micheál]

" And then there was my friend Mahatma Gandhi, who walked barefoot a lot and often fasted, leading to bad breath. Or as we knew him . .

Super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis "

Glenageary Guru

[Dancer]

" And then there was my friend Mahatma Gandhi, who walked barefoot a lot and often fasted, leading to bad breath. Or as we knew him . .

Super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis "

Glenageary Guru

Hahahahahahahaaaaaa ! 10/10

[Denis Cromie]

[Micheál]

"A Pun about communism is no longer acceptable, unless of course, everyone gets it "

Glenageary Guru

[Strum]

"A Pun about communism is no longer acceptable, unless of course, everyone gets it "

I like the concept of communism, I have nothing but I'm willing to share it.

[Rocker]

"A Pun about communism is no longer acceptable, unless of course, everyone gets it "

I like the concept of communism, I have nothing but I'm willing to share it.

Gosh you struck a chord with me. A number of years ago we were in Cuba and staying at a posh hotel in Santiago de Cuba. The locals were rationed with their food and after my huge lunch I wandered into a local shop. The assistant had just had her megre rations delivered and she placed them on the counter and invited me to share!! Very humbling experience which still makes me weep when I think of it.