JOKES ONLY

Post by **Snowhite** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:16 pm

Three blondes find a magic lamp in the street.They pick it up and rub it, then out pop's a genie. "Since you freed me i'll grant you each one wish."says the genie.
"I want to be smart, i'm tired of being dumb nobody respects you"said the 1st blonde. ...."Granted" says the genie, then turns her into a redhead. She is happy and walks away.
"Well i want to be smarter than her" says the 2nd blonde. ...."Granted" says the genie, and turns her hair brown.She is happy and walks away.
"Well i dont want to be smart.I like been dumb you have all kinds of fun."I want to be dumber" the 3rd blonde says.
"Granted" the genie says, then turned her into.........................a man.
:makeyes:

Post by **Snowhite** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 10:31 pm

A wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.
She said "Darling, i thought you were going to your lodge meeting"
"It was postponed", he replied."
"The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate would'nt let him attend tonight".

Post by **Snowhite** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 10:37 pm

The best husband a wife can have is "An ARCHAEOLOGIST" cos the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 2:24 am

:bold:

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 8:37 pm

Now Spud,........ :halya5:

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:15 pm

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:26 pm

Tell me a joke, Spud.

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:29 pm

two nuns ridin' bikes down a cobbled stoned road in Dublin and one turns to the other and says " ooohhh sister ive never come this way before have you ?" nnnnnoooooo! sayds the other one

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:47 pm

Now that's :bold: ,Spud.........but i liked it.

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:51 pm

Pat and Mick went duck shootin' and as they were comin home Pat says to Mick" look at all these other fellas theyve got lots of ducks! why havent we got any?" i dunno says Mick ' maybe were not trowin' the dog high enough "

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:55 pm

... :rfl: :rfl: More please.

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:05 pm

i once got barred from a pub -- not allowed back in for a month--- not that it bothered me lol -- plenty of drinkin' holes in Dun Laoghaire

the joke was kind of a sight joke so bare with me grin it was Easter week end so you can set that in yer mind and the time was early 70s ok. well Jesus was on the cross and all the dark clouds were foaming and tretening to ignite when a folower of the man got a ladder and went up it and pulled out one of the nails in JCs hands and his arm fell like a leaden weight to his side so the man with the ladder went around the other side and pulled out the other nail in his hand and it too fell like a leaden weight just then JCs eyes openen and he looked into the helpers eyes and said "THE FEET !!THE FEET! and it came to pass that i was trown out of the pub by the owner and told i should be ashamed of meself---- but i did hear the coustomers shoutin aproval of the funny side

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:15 pm

:rfl: :rfl: It's the way you tell'em , Spud. :hayla:

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:24 pm

ohh the pub in question was the one on the left hand side as you go down to the Peoples Park right down neer the park i cant remmeber the name

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:26 pm

Walters or the Cozy ?

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:27 pm

hhmmm last one before the park

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:28 pm

coz it was just a walk across the street to get a bus and i remember it well coz i met a young lady there and got talkin and had a knee trembler before i went home ! ahhhh youth is wasted on the young

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:32 pm

Walter's if it had the same name back in your day that is all those years ago.

....Knee trembler. :rfl: :rfl:

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:33 pm

i bow to ur wisdom snowie

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:35 pm

Ah, get up, your making a show of me. :makeyes: :rfl: :rfl: :rfl:

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:46 pm

how do ya tell when a Jewish princess has an orgasam?? she drops her nail file

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:51 pm

How do you change a blonde's mind?

Blow in her ear.

Post by **spudseamus** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:52 pm

:rfl: why do ya never let a blond go for lunch---- coz you have to retrain her

Post by **Snowhite** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:56 pm

Why can't you tell blonde's Knock Knock jokes ?

Because they go and answer the door.

Post by **spudseamus** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:04 am

how do ya know a red neck--- theyve been married 3 times and there name dont change gollieeeee!